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March 12th, 2008
08:34 pm
When do you know you both aren't going in the same direction anymore??
I feel guilty that I feel so trapped.
My love is stronger if anything.
I just don't know if I can stay in one place anymore.
I need out. And I don't think he'll understand.
He doesn't seem to want to.
Where do I go? What do I do??
I'm not a person who is scared of the future, and I know I need somebody like that too.
Someone who can keep up with me.
Someone who wants the same things as I do.
Someone who lives for adventure. The unknown. The RISK of the unknown.
But is he that person?
I'm not sure anymore.
Should love be something you hold yourself back for??
To me, that seems like something that shouldn't happen.
Is it really love if you feel like you're being held back?
Yes. I can't deny my feelings for him.
He's my everything.
But I want more. I always want more.
Should I? Am I too greedy?
He knows there's the chance he'll lose me.
I'm not trying to, but I feel like I'm slipping away from him.
I'm starting to get bored.
That scares me.
He's everything I know now.
He's the only thing I know anymore.
He was the only thing I wanted to know.
But I can feel, hear the unknown calling me.
It's right in front of me.
I've turned my back from it for now.
But it's getting stronger. I can't ignore it for much longer.
I've started to daydream about leaving everything and everyone without saying anything to anyone.
Just going.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
By myself.
Can you truely love someone unconditionally when you feel this much chaos inside??
Is it fair to them?
I don't know anything anymore.
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January 22nd, 2008
January 8th, 2008
07:47 pm
"Prey On The Faint Of Heart" are going to be the words in my chest piece.
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December 18th, 2007
06:33 pm
I hate Christmas.
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November 22nd, 2007
07:15 pm
Okay.
So I got to see the dentist today.
About my wisdom teeth.
Now they are trying to get them out as soon as possible.
Both of my bottom ones are growing into the main nerves that control feeling and movement in the lower half of my face.
If they grow into them before we take them out, I could lose all feeling and movement in my lower jaw.
And they are dangerously close.
And my top ones are growing in sideways.
And cutting my gums and cheeks up.
Wonderful.
Can't wait to pay the 1600 dollars it costs.
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November 21st, 2007
09:40 pm
My mouth hurts so bad.
I hate wisdom teeth.
And them growing in when I have no health coverage for that sort of thing.
UGH.
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November 15th, 2007
03:13 pm
I want another tattoo so bad.
I should just stop whining about it and make an appointment already.
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12:15 am
Hospital visits are not fun.
Especially late at night.
And on your anniversary.
Not working sucks.
I miss make-up.
My hair needs to be toned.
Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.
I hate Christmas season.
I love my new ring.
It fits perfectly.
On that finger.
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November 6th, 2007
11:39 am
Needed:
1. A place to live.
2. A new job.
3. Modest Mouse tickets.
4. Stars tickets too.
5. Something that'll let me be in 2 places at once.
I just... can't anymore.
Grand Forks will be good this weekend.
My eldest brother is getting married.
My other brother wants me to move to Berlin.
I want to.
I can't leave Colin.
I'm being guilted by two of the people I love most in the world.
How can I not go with my brother? He's blood.
But how can I leave my new family?
That's what Colin is.
I hope I can figure something out that'll sort of work for everyone.
I hate being stressed beyond belief.
It's the worst thing ever.
Pumpkin soup is so delicious.
Is it bad that I want everything in the world?
Am I too greedy?
Asking too much?
It is wrong that I think I deserve anything and everything?
I don't want the best of two worlds.
I want the best of a thousand.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankthinkg.gif) confused
Current Music: One Evening - Feist
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October 17th, 2007
09:52 pm
So, I am now supposedly considered a "public figure", so I have to watch what I put as my facebook status.
BULLSHIT.
Some pictures from my trip to Minneapolis.
As of 10 seconds ago I've been promoted at work to Artist Leader?...
So random.
LAAAAAlala laaaaaa
Colin and I are moving out.
It's exciting.
Don't have a place yet, but a few are in the runnnnnning at the moment.
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September 19th, 2007
05:26 pm
It seems to be Talk To People You Haven't Spoken To In Forever week.
Which, in a way, is extremely healing.
It's good to know, that no matter what your relationship turned into, the person still cares.
Even if it takes them thinking you died to realize.
It's nice to know people remember you.
Care about what happens to you.
Makes you feel like you're not alone in this world.
Which is comforting, even if we all know every living creature on this earth dies alone.
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September 16th, 2007
09:36 pm
Life moves a little too fast, don't you agree? It seems like you were standing somewhere you liked one moment, and the wind of change has blown you to the edge of sanity the next. I just seem to keep losing track of who I am in the jungle we call adult life.
Sometimes I crave the simplicity of youth. I just hate knowing that I'm getting overwhelmed. Espescially when I realize that I haven't even started.
I haven't even started living.
I haven't even started dying.
Haven't begun to feel the crippling stab from the rusty blade called Lifes' Indifference.
Haven't even begun to notice the trail of innocence as it inevitably bleeds away.. thinner than water.
Where's the passion I had a minute ago?
Where's the drive?
Who has stolen my motivation?
I could have sworn I had them all within my grasp.
Never to be taken away.
Yet here I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life.
For the most part.
HE makes it all worthwhile.
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September 2nd, 2007
10:29 pm
I feel... Good.
I think I do at least.
It's not something I feel too often when thinking about where I am in life, my goals for the near future, my family, etc.
Mostly, feeling confused and frustrated is the usual when it comes to those subjects.
And while some things still aren't going well, and while some are getting steadily worse, I feel.. good.
Sort of.
Better than I have in a while.
When your best girl friend is crying out in confusion and exasperation for help and understanding in abstract ways, it's hard.
Like, 'lets, go to Clear Lake for the long weekend, even though my hymogloben is so low I had to have three transfusions of blood in under 36 hours, and if something happens I won't be near a hospital.'
Knowing she could die in a couple weeks, a few months, or in 50 years.
It's tough.
Should I do everything I possibly can with her right now, or try and live like we always used to?
I don't think either is possible.
I know I have to be there for her when she comes out of denial and reality actually sets in, but all I want to do is run, hide, and cry.
So much for being one of the strongest people she knows.
Colin finally coming clean about how he actually feels about moving out.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Confused, frustrated... relieved?
I just don't understand.
I would wait an eternity for him.
But knowing that doesn't make the waiting any easier.
Finally making some money, and loving what I do.
I love it so much I could cry.
I'm doing make-up.
Me, Sarah Anna Elizabeth, doing make-up.
I absolutely love going to work.
I don't mind the sore feet, sore back, headaches.
I'm doing what I love.
Sharing my passion with other people, and having them appreciate it.
It's my creative outlet.
I love making people beautiful.
I have always been told I'd end up doing a career in the arts.
I've known it my entire life.
Most people never find what they're meant to do.
I know I'm meant for this.
It's a great feeling.
I feel as if most of what I find important in my life right now is on track.
I have the most amazing boyfriend.
I honestly could not live without him.
He's my heart and soul.
My best friend.
I have my job which I love.
I'm finally starting to make a bit of money.
I have my ideas. My ideas for everything.
I have my friends.
I have my faith back.
Faith in myself.
And my abilities.
I have my passion. Passion for everything.
I feel very intune.
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August 28th, 2007
09:27 pm
I found a really nice apartment I want.
But I doubt Colin will want to move for October 1st.
We'll see.
It's in Osborne, it has a balcony, and it's a reasonable price.
We'd have to go check it out, but it's pretty much perfect.
I wish he'd just jump in for once.
No more hesitation.
His big excuse for not getting serious about moving was that I'm not working fulltime.
Well now I'm working more than fulltime.
No more excuses.
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August 21st, 2007
02:30 pm
So I got my septum done on my birthday and I love it.
Once I move out, I'm going to have a face full of metal, and a body full of ink.
I'm hooked.
I want to convince Colin to get me my next tattoo for Christmas...
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August 8th, 2007
09:30 pm
I left my make-up bag at work.
Ugh.
It's so upsetting.
Good thing I'm there tomorrow.
So Anthony told me today that I'll be getting working at least 3 shifts a week, close to 20 hours a week for sure.
Yeah... That's great..
As long as Mike gives me close to 20 hours as well.
If I can get 20 hours from Anthony, and 20 hours from Mike, I'll be all set.
But I doubt it'll happen.
Even if I get 35 hours a week..
I just need a full-time job.
It's just that the make-up studio has weird hours, just like the store, so I could never work a full-time job, and then work close to 20 hours at the make-up studio as well..
And I want to have half a life at least.
I hate being so pressed for money.
I don't need or expect to have a lot of it, but I'd like enough to be able to live.
Hopefully it'll only be another month of scraping by.
My goal is to be out of this house by November 31st.
Hopefully it'll be earlier.
It's pretty much confirmed that Colin and I will be moving out together.
Which is exciting.
A little scary as well, but more exciting and wonderful than anything.
I was reading Ashley's profile on her Facebook today, because I was bored, and I'm a creeper, and I realized that we have a lot in common. And I smiled at this:
"I want to get married young."
So do I.
Colin is going to pay for my sceptum piercing for part of my birthday present.
Yay!
Which is in 6 days.
Weird.
My pepere died a year ago this Saturday.
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August 2nd, 2007
06:52 pm
It's weird how people can find things on the internet..
It's a little scary at times.
And I need a new job.
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August 1st, 2007
11:44 am
Minneapolis was amazing.
So much fun.
Mall of America.. Wow.
I love it.
I'm going back in September probably, with Tracy, and maybe other people, for the Brand New show.
I don't want to have to start work again.
I might be a flight attendant??
Yeah...
I'm not making enough money working where I am now.
Sadly.
I can't live off of these two jobs.
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July 13th, 2007
05:10 pm
Work is boring so I'm glad that the internet is working.
I got paid today, not as much as I was hoping, but it's a start I guess.
I still need to get something for Colin for his birthday.
He hasn't been much help in that department.
I want to get him a watch, a gold one, because he's been complaining he wants one forever.
But, stupid trip to Minneapolis.
Sooooo, I think I might just get the wtch for him in August, just because.
But that still leaves me with nothing to get him for his birthday.
I'll probably end up getting him The Hills Have Eyes, and The Hills Have Eyes 2.
But what else??
His birthday is on the 20th.
He's so indecisive about everything.
haha
UGH.
I went to my moms work, about half an hour before I started my shift here, because she told me to come by and meet the kitten we're babysitting for the weekend.
She belongs to a young guy my mom works with, who's leaving for the weekend, and had no one to look after her, so my mom offered.
She's the sweetest thing.
She's part siamese, which makes me even more jealous, because I want a siamese cat so bad.
The person Nate got her from still has kittens, and I want one. But I doubt that'll happen.
He just got her a couple days ago and hasn't even named her yet.
I want her to be named Athena, for the Goddess of the hunt, because she was stalking my hand, and biting my fingers.
She actually drew a bit of blood from my thumb. haha
Little vampire. haha
I want to keep her.
I wannnnnnnt a minooooooouuuuuu.
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